Love After Love
by cellardoor
Summary: Tommy and Jude are married. They met in present time when Jude was 19 and Tommy was 26. Tommy has a genetic disorder that causes him to time travel involuntarily so when he is 34 he time travels back in time and meets Jude when she is 6. Jommy.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Don't own Instant Star or The Time Traveler's Wife.**

**AN: So I am trying something new here. Based off one of my favorite books "The Time Traveler's Wife". It may start off confusing but hopefully it will come together and start to make sense. I am really challenging myself with this one so wish me luck because this is a long and intricate storyline. **

**The basic gist of the story is that Jude and Tommy are married and Tommy was born with a genetic disorder that causes him to involuntarily time-travel, where Jude cannot follow.**

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JUDE: It's not easy being married to Tommy. I knew that it wasn't going to be when I said 'I Do' but I loved him all the same.

I wait and I wait for him.

I never know where or when he is or when he is coming back. I don't know if he is okay or not. For all I know he could be lying in a ditch somewhere and I wouldn't know.

So I keep myself busy to help pass the time.

I work on my music and I go about life as if he were just at work.

I go to bed alone and I wake up alone. I stare at his wedding ring by the bathroom sink as I get ready in the morning, imagining where he might be and when is coming back.

It is hard being the one left behind. But I understand that he goes where I cannot follow.

Why does he go where I cannot follow?

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TOMMY: How does it feel?

Every time someone learns about my disorder that is the first question they ask.

How does it feel?

It feels like everything and nothing all at once. It feels like you are waking up from a week long nap and you don't remember where you are or how you got there. You are starving, naked and sometimes nauseous.

It feels like you are reading a book, or cooking dinner, or mixing a track and suddenly you are not. Suddenly you are standing in two feet of snow, naked as a jaybird, searching for the nearest shelter. You start cussing and stumbling across the street and an instant later you are on the floor in your kitchen just as the coffee pot timer goes off.

Sometimes it feels like a nightmare. You know the nightmare where you show up late for the SAT's and all eyes are watching you and everyone starts laughing before you realize you standing in your birthday suit. Only mine is not a dream, but reality.

Sometimes it feels like you have lost a lot of blood and you get light-headed, like you stood up to fast. It only takes an instant, you can't comprehend what is happening and suddenly you appear out of thin air in a Toronto Motel 6 skidding across the burgundy carpeted hallway before your head hits the door of a Mrs. Natalie Cole, who starts screaming at the sight of a rug-burned naked man lying outside her door. You put your arms up to block yourself from the blows heading your way when suddenly you are back in your home, on your bed with your wife looking over you.

When I am out there in time I become a different person. Out there it is wild and I have learned how to take care of myself. I become a thief, a pick pocket, an animal who either defends themselves or runs and hides.

There are many factors that contribute to my traveling as well as many that help keep me grounded. I don't know exactly what they all are, but like with any disease there are possibilities. Stress, exhaustion, loud noises, flashing lights can all cause me to go, but then again sometimes I can be sitting in bed with Jude, discussing our CD collection and suddenly I can be in 1989 watching my 12 year old self mow the lawn.

I find myself in crowds just as often as I find myself alone. It is impossible to explain, I mean how can I? I appear out of nowhere, naked. I have no money, no ID, nothing. I have never been able to take anything with me, so I often spend my time attaining clothing.

And then there is Jude, dear Jude. Always waiting for me, always worrying about me and always taking care of me, the look of concern written across her face when I come back bleeding. I hate that I worry her. I hate that I cause her stress. I hate that I can not be with her at all times, that I have to leave her so often. I hate being where she is not. And yet, I am always going and she cannot follow.

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**Review if you like please. It is greatly appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Don't own Instant Star or The Time Traveler's Wife.**

**AN: I hope it wasn't too confusing. It will probably get more confusing before it even starts to make sense though. Give it a chance. I promise it's worth it. Let me know if you need further explaining about the story as a whole.**

**Enjoy.**

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_Saturday, October 25, 2003 (Tommy is 26, Jude is 19)_

JUDE: I am sitting in GMajor waiting. It's cold in here and smells like cinnamon. I signed the Visitors' Log: _Jude Harrison, 11:15 10-25-03_. I've never been inside GMajor before. I tried to keep my calm but as soon as I walked through the doors I was overwhelmed with excitement. At the moment I am people watching. It's amazing how many people are in here. It's hard to believe that they all actually work here.

I'm here for a school project. My professor assigned me to GMajor. I'm writing a paper on the influence of Pop music in today's society. I find it rather funny, seeing as how I am not a huge fan of Pop Music and GMajor isn't necessarily known for their Pop artists.

All of a sudden the receptionist is staring down at me from behind her towering fort.

"Mrs. Harrison?" I look up at her, "Mr. Mills had to leave for the day, but perhaps Mr. Quincy can help you?" she says.

I stand up and turn to look behind me, preparing to explain my paper but instead I find myself face to face with Tommy.

I am amazed. I can't form a single word and stand speechless in front of him. Here is Tommy, my Tommy, calm, clothed and younger than I have ever seen him. He is here; working at GMajor and standing right in front me, in the present. I am beyond excited, while he is looking at me good-naturedly. The last time I saw him was over a year ago, it was my 18th birthday and we were in the barn at my parent's farm house.

"What is it that I can do for you?" he asks.

"Tommy!" I can barely constrain myself from throwing my arms around him. It is clear that he has never seen me before.

"Have we met? Do I know…" He trails off. He is doing a quick glance around the room, checking to make sure that none of his co-workers have noticed this strange occurrence. I can tell he is searching his memories for any recollection of me, only to realize that some future self of his has met this extremely euphoric girl standing in front of him.

"I'm Jude Harrison" I begin to explain, "I knew you when I was a little girl." I don't know what else to say. I am at a loss for words because I am in love with the man standing in front of me who has no memories of me at all. Everything has yet to happen for him. It is all in the future. The entire situation is rather hilarious. So many years Tommy was the one with all the knowledge. He was the one who knew everything and now the tables have turned. I have so many memories of him, memories he is yet to have. Sitting with him at the farm house; images of him dressed in my dads ski clothes in the middle of spring; my six year old self playing my guitar for him.

"Come have coffee with me? Or dinner?" I ask. Surely he can't say no, this is the same Tommy that loves me in the past and in the future. There must me some part of him that loves me in the here and now.

He finally answers me with a nod of the head and a yes. All the while the receptionist is watching in amazement. We agree to meet tonight at a restaurant in downtown and I leave. Forgetting about my paper and right through the same doors I entered only minutes ago. I walk into the crisp cool air and jumping and laughing with excitement.

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TOMMY: It's just another day here at GMajor. Hundreds of people scattered around doing god knows what. I love working here. I am very fortunate to have a job I love especially with my disorder. I love how artists come and go as they please. That I am friends with nearly half of them and together we can make music that will forever change the world.

I am making way towards Studio B when Darius stops me. He is quickly going on about how he has to leave immediately to catch a plane to New York and there is a student waiting up front for an interview. Something about a school paper, that I could help with. I'm not really paying attention. I am more focused on the mumble jumble around me.

I nod my head and agree to help the student. His back is already facing me and he is half way across the room so he doesn't hear me. I mumble under my breath as I make my way towards the receptionist just as I hear her say "…Perhaps Mr. Quincy can help you."

Suddenly this marvelously beautiful red-haired tall slim girl turns around and looks at me as though I am Santa Clause himself. I get a pain in my stomach. She obviously knows me and I don't know her.

God only knows what I have said, done or promised to this amazing creature in front of me. I am forced to say, "What is it that I can do for you?"

She lets out a vigorous yet soft "Tommy!" in such a way that it convinces me that at some point we have a really _amazing _thing together. This makes it all worse that I don't know anything about her or even her name. I ask "Have we met?" and Victoria the receptionist gives me a look that says _You asshole_. But instead the girl says, "I'm Jude Harrison. I knew you when I was a little girl," she then invites me to coffee or dinner and I accept, shocked at myself for being so calm about the situation.

Jude is glowing at me, even though I am unshaven and not at my best. My hair is a little tousled and I am just a tad bit hung over. We are meeting at a restaurant downtown and after Jude has secured me for later tonight, she smiles widely and drifts out of GMajor.

I stand there for a moment later, watching her as she makes her way outside. I realize that a massive winning lottery tickets chunk of my future has somehow found me here in the present. I watch her cross the street jumping and laughing and I am near tears and I don't know why.

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**Review if you like. It is greatly appreciated. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Don't own Instant Star or The Time Traveler's Wife.**

**AN: Okay. So here is another chapter. Just remember it gets more confusing before it makes sense. That is if it isn't making sense already. It all makes sense to me so I don't really know how long it will take. **

**Enjoy.**

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_Later that evening:_

TOMMY: Affter Jude left, I could longer concentrate on work. Obviously she was someone of much importance in my future. At around 6:00 p.m. I race home from work and attempt to clean my disheveled self up. Home these days is a moderate sized very modern loft in downtown. I've moved up in the world as far as I am concerned. Too bad I don't get to spend as much time here as I would like. But it is nice to come back to on occasion.

I make it into my bedroom just as I start quickly stripping my clothes off. For the size of this apartment I still manage to bang parts of myself on inconvenient walls and countertops. I quickly jump in the shower and shave and then I find myself staring into my ever-lasting closet. I find it very confusing to be a man with so many clothes. I notice that all my favorite things to wear are not exactly clean and go for something with a little more class. As I am glancing at myself in the mirror it dons on me that I look like an FBI agent and I strip my clothes off once again.

As I am shopping in my closet for a new outfit I take a minute to look around and realize that the apartment is a mess. I decide to avoid bringing Jude here tonight, even if such a thing is possible. Now that I have re-dressed myself I glance at my six foot frame in the full-length mirror. As I stare at myself I wonder what sorts of outfits this woman has seen me wearing, since I am obviously not arriving from my future into her past wearing clothes of my own.

I then remember that she said she was a little girl? So many unanswerables run through my head and I stop to breathe for just a minute. I make sure my hair is perfectly in place and grab my keys and wallet and head out the door. I slide into the elevator alone and buy Jude some roses from the shop in the lobby. I walk three blocks to the restaurant in record time and still find myself five minutes late. Jude is already seated at a booth and she looks relieved when she sees me, suddenly waving to me like she is the beauty queen in a parade.

"Hello," I say. Jude is wearing a beautiful black dress, with long pearls and very moderate make-up. She looks like the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in all my life. I catch myself absorbing every detail about her. She has huge blue eyes, rosy cheeks and the warmest more welcoming smile I have ever come in contact with. She is pale, her skin looks like that of a porcelain doll. I thrust the roses at her. "For you."

"Thank you," she says nonsensically pleased. She looks at me and I realize that I am confused by her response. "You've never given me flowers before."

I slide into the booth opposite of her. I am mesmerized. This woman knows me. I mean she isn't someone that I just pass along the way, she really knows me. The waitress appears out of what seems like nowhere and hands us menus.

I can no longer stand it, "Tell me," I demand.

"What?"

"Everything. I mean, you do understand why I don't know you right? Which I am terribly sorry about that—"

"Don't be sorry. You shouldn't be. I mean, I know… why that is." Jude's voice becomes hushed. "It's because for you none of it has happened yet, but for me, well, I've known you for quite some time now."

"How long?"

"About thirteen years. I first saw you when I was six."

"Oh man. Have you seen my very often, or has it just been a few times here and there?"

"The last time I saw you, you told me to bring this to dinner when we met again," Jude pulls out a small pale pink child's diary from the inside of her purse, "so here," she hands it to me, "you can have this."

I take it from her hands gracefully and open it to the only place marked. It is a list of dates. It begins thirteen years ago and ends around seventeen pages later, one year ago. I quickly glance over all the pages again, this time counting. There are 152 dates written with great care in blue ball point pen by what was obviously a six-year-old.

"You made this list?" I am stunned. I look up at her and meet her eyes, "These are all accurate?"

"Actually you made it. Well you told it to me. A few years ago you memorized the dates from this list. I don't know how you did it, but they are accurate. I used them to know when to go down to the barn to meet you." The waitress comes back and we order our dinners, she brings us a pitcher of water and I pour each of us a cup.

"The barn?" I ask, enthralled with excitement. I have never met anyone from my future before, much less a beautiful woman who has encountered me 152 times before.

"The barn is at my family's country home where I grew up. Its a little ways down the road and I used to go there for the peace and quiet to play by myself. Then one day when I was in first grade, I came home from school and wandered down to the barn to be alone and there you were."

"Naked and throwing up?"

"Actually know. You seemed pretty together. I remember you knew my name and I remember you vanishing. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life. It was obvious that you had been there before, I think the first time for you I was ten. You were a little freaked out by the nudity, and by then I just kind of took it for granted that this old nude guy was going to be magically appearing in out of my life from the future demanding clothing and food." She started laughing.

"What's funny?"

"I was six, just imagine the possibilities of clothes and food I supplied for you. I just wanted to see if there was anything you wouldn't wear and more so, if there was anything you wouldn't eat."

"How old was I?"

"I think the oldest I have seen you was forty-something. I am not sure about the youngest, thirty-something. How old are you now?"

"Twenty-six."

"You look very young to me now. The last few years you were in your forties, early forties and you seemed to be going through something, like you were having a rough life. But you know when you're six, everyone seems so big and old."

"So what did we do? In the barn? I mean that's a lot of time there."

Jude smiles. "We did lots of things. It changed depending on my age and mood. You spent a lot of time helping me do homework. We played games, but mostly we just talked about stuff. When I was really young, I thought you were an angel and asked you a lot of questions about heaven. You played along with it. When I was a teenager I tried to get you to make love to me, and you never would, which of course just made me more determined about it. In some ways you were very parental."

"Oh. That was probably a good thing but somehow at the moment I don't want to be thought of as parental." Our eyes once again meet. We both smile at each other. "What about winters? Winters can be pretty extreme."

"I always made sure there were clothes and blankets and everything to keep you safe in the barn and sometimes I would smuggle you into our basement to keep you even warmer. One time you were down there and we had a blizzard, so nobody went to work or school and I was going crazy trying to get food down to you. So you were stuck reading old _Reader's Digest_ and living on sardines and ramen noodles for two days."

"Sounds delicious. I'll look forward to it." Our food arrived just then. "Did you ever learn to cook?"

Jude smiled and let out a small laugh shaking her head no, "Now that I am on my own I don't have anybody to cook for, so I haven't been motivated."

"Have I ever met any of your family?"

"You met my Grandma Meg right before she died. She was the only one I ever told about you. She was pretty much blind by then, she knew we were going to get married and she wanted to meet you."

Mid bite, I stop eating and look at Jude. She looks back at me smiling, not realizing what she just said, "Are we going to get married?"

"Well I would assume so," she smiled back, "You've been telling me for years that whenever it is you're coming from, you're married to me."

Suddenly I am overwhelmed with so much news all at once. This is too much. I close my eyes and will myself to think of nothing, the last thing I want to do is lose my grip on the here and now and leave Jude with the bill and a pile of my clothes.

"Tommy? Tommy are you okay?" I can feel Jude get up from the other side of the table and slide in next to me. She takes my hand and holds is strongly in her own. They are so soft until I meet the finger-tips, rough and chapped. "Tommy I am so sorry. I just can't get used to this. Everything is so opposite, my whole life you are the one who knew everything, I sort of forgot tonight I should go slow." She smiles. "Actually, almost the last thing you said before you left was 'go easy on me Jude.'"

She continues holding my hand. She looks at me with eagerness and love and I find myself melting into her all over again.

"Jude?"

"Yes?"

"Can we rewind? Can we pretend that this is a normal first date between to normal people who just met for the first time today?"

"Okay." She smiles, letting go of my hand and making her way back to side of the table.

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**Review if you like. It is greatly appreciated. **


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